Thursday, 28 August 2008

The Great Unwashed.

I like taking the bus. It's a useful vehicle which allows you the time and space to read, listen to your mp3, listen to other peoples' conversation or simply switch off and gawp into the distance as you're conveyed from one mad world to another.

However.

I draw the line at being manhandled. Particularly when it's a woman doing the handling. Fair enough it was busy and seats were scarce, but even so.
I got on and began making my way towards the back only to find that I'd run out of bus and was actually at the back in the middle between a man, his good lady and their children. No problem. The seat was there and I sat in it. It did rather spoil their ability to talk to one another so for that I apologise. I didn't plan on staying there for long and was already scanning for vacant seats at every stop.
There we were then, we happy three, (the children were out of the equation being fortunate enough to have secured window seats.) Him to the right and her to the left, with a rather distasteful onion smell wafting in the general area. It was an unusually warm day and even with the windows open, there was not quite enough air to be comfortable. I could feel her breath on my neck as she seemed to find it acceptable to look me up and down from close quarters. I concentrated very hard on staring ahead until I felt her clammy hand stroke my arm.

" 'ave ye got the time duck ? "
I clung to my handbag and drew myself in as far as possible so that no part of me could be touching her.
" Mmm, yes. It' s quarter to.."
She wasn't thwarted by this attempt to disengage and gave me her best gurn.
" You off to market are ye..?"

Dear God I'd stepped into the twilight zone of the Great Unwashed.

" Er, No. Not today."

She continued to squirm against me until the next stop when a man further down the bus got off. Smiling politely with a great desire to scream I escaped into the empty seat leaving my nightmare behind.

Or so I thought.

I finally reached my stop and went to cross the road only to catch a glimpse of the rear window and four pairs of unblinking eyes monitoring my every move.


I'm not one for horror movies - but......

Tuesday, 26 August 2008

First Date.

It was our anniversary recently. Himself and I were reminiscing as you do and it put me in mind of our first date. We went for a meal and me being the poor student didn't want to look as if I was taking advantage of a working boy (since he was paying) and ordered the chicken. He obviously had no such inhibitions and ordered the full grill. I began to feel unwell on the way back to the tube, so imagine my relief when we happened upon some public loos. Excusing myself I just about made it to a cubicle before the worst happened all down my new Bomber Jacket. Not pleasant. It took a while to clean myself up and naturally he became concerned.
Eventually I re-appeared having got the worst off, enough said. The time came to say goodbye - too late he realised his error and moved in for the kiss...

It's happy memories such as these that see me through a busy shift at work. This and those wonderful, un -looked for moments when customers inform you they've got two new hips and a knee... any chance of an isle seat ?

Sunday, 24 August 2008

Search For The Hero

My first blog was written whilst in shock over the news at work but swiftly moving on has turned into a welcome distraction. Being very new to this blogging game I thought I'd take a look around a few of the other sites. First impression is that they all look pretty nifty and sleek, lots of photos and eye catching stuff.
For me though it's more about having a voice and a place to send it. Moments of waffle, deep wisdom, nonsense, humour and basically taking a moment to comment on the world around us.
Have to say that in between writing this I keep running into the living room to check out the 2012 Party in the Mall following the closing ceremony in Beijing. It's times like this when my heart swells with pride as the Olympic ideal makes it's mark, the whole one world, one dream concept which we hope will go on forever but in reality lasts as long as the party. ( If your lucky.) Still, let's enjoy while we may, we have much to celebrate. 2012 will be here before we know it and I along with my family intend to fully embrace the whole package. Oh Bless.
Yes, the Country is verging on recession but call me old fashioned, when the cast of 'We Will Rock You' start singing WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS OF THE WORLD, and that guy from The Feeling, is doing a passable rendition of WE CAN BE HERO'S, who am I to argue...?

Saturday, 23 August 2008

Carpe Diem

Just been told that we all have to apply for our own jobs-and YES-there will be casualties. Don't know whether to be mortified or excited for all the changes this will mean. Our team has been together for years and I don't laugh anywhere they way I do with them. Hardly professional I know but some things are just more precious and worth preserving than another mans view of how business should be maintained. They call it development we would call it loss.
It's not just about selling a product, in this case theatre tickets; as far as we're concerned the show begins as soon as we walk into the office and open those curtains, (that's right, curtains) on the counter. Good days, bad days, love you, hate you, can't wait to see the back of you, can't imagine life without you. Generally the customers laugh along with us and those that don't have no business booking entertainment in the first place.
We are in the last golden days of the box office and our rebellion against a system set on taming us will live in our hearts long after we don our Stepford Wife costumes and join the millions who are already operating under battery hen conditions.
We will have to justify our performance ( I'm not talking about the stage now ) in a different spot light. A new script must be learned and taken on board. Courses attended, evaluations monitored, pencils sharpened, dib, dib, dob.
Will we make the 66% required match for our jobs ? Don't know, not sure I care at the mo'. But as one learned colleague declared; " 60's not bad and the other 6% is for turning up! "

To my comrades in arms, I salute your individuality, character, fortitude, friendship, humour, wrath and your ' d'ya wannit or not attitude ' come panto season. More than that your willingness to face the unknown with great courage and comedy. The memory of a good belly laugh will keep you warm through many a cold winter.

Once more unto the breech dear friends and RAGE, RAGE AGAINST THE DYING OF THE LIGHT.