Actually I'm a bit cheesed off.
Having thrown myself into the lion's den and with shaking hand pressed 'send' to various agents and publishers as well as sticking good old fashioned stamps onto envelopes, the euphoria has left me and I am faced with the harsh reality of what it means to begin the laborious job of filing rejections, tweaking and going through the pain barrier all over again.
Today I made a telephone enquiry. The Agent returned my call much to my astonishment but only to politely inform me she is not taking on any more clients, her ‘books’ are full.
On the plus side, I do now feel like a writer. In fact I was quite proud to print and file the first couple of email blanket messages of ‘thanks but no-thanks,’ having learned a thing or two in my approach to the movers and shakers down in London. They were some of the big players to be fair and I knew I was batting out of my league but still felt it was worth a shot if only to get a handle on how these things work.
Today has been a mixed bag of shifting moods and the weather hasn’t helped either. We woke up to freezing fog followed by drizzle - you couldn't move without being dripped on. I should have read the signs and not made that call today. The fact that our youngest was crying in the background after being reprimanded didn’t show me/us in the best light I fear. I don’t think this particular agent’s answer would have been any different on another day just that I might have received the news more gracefully had I taken on board the very lesson of patience I’d been preaching only moments earlier.
Frame of mind is everything. A few weeks ago I was possessed by enough self confidence and positive thinking to lead an army to victory; today I couldn’t find my way to the high street without feeling paranoid and suspicious of everyone around me.
Here is where I shall draw the line on the negative.
I’m off to cash up now and pull the curtains on another day in the box office. Tomorrow will bring fresh opportunities and as many chances as we are willing to give ourselves and those around us to show up, raise a smile and try again.