Tuesday, 13 September 2011

The Customer is always...

Hello, may I help?

Yes, I'd like to book some tickets please, for two shows.

Sure, what was the first one?

Could you turn your phone up please, I can't hear you very well.

Oh, is that better? I can hear you perfectly.

A little. It's quite a poor line really but anyway...(mutters in background) I need two seats in the stalls, concessions, middle of row J if you have it.

I have the side of row J or further back in the middle, about P.

Is that all! Nothing further forward more central? I don't want sides, what about M or H?

No, sorry. Row P for centre now.

Tch. (chewing a sweet loudly.) Let's try the other show, I'll come back to this one.

Row M centre is available, excellent seats, bang in the middle.

Anything further forward or what about upstairs?

Yup, dress circle, second row, centre block.

Hm, nothing better?

I don't think you can get any better than dress circle centre really.

(Clucks tongue repeatedly) It's just if you get someone tall in front... Where would you sit if it were you?

Well, as I say, dress circle is considered the best, it's tiered so I'd probably op' for those.

Hm, I don't know. I think the stalls are better. I'll have the ones in the stalls please - book me those.

Right. (sigh) Would you like to go back to the first show now?

I can't hear you, can you speak up!

I said, would you...(like to take a run and jump)...Can you hear me?

No, I can't.

You're serious, you can't hear me?


How about now?

No, still can't.

Is that better?


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