Friday, 24 October 2014

It's Hard to Dance With The Devil on Your Back.

So the last few months have been tough and most definitely a challenge in the verbal department. I want to laugh hysterically at times.
Oh the irony.

Me. Without a voice.
At least one that does not belong to me and is at times almost inaudible.
You couldn't write this stuff.
I've tried.

Anyway, I may be down, though decidedly not out and there has to be a bestseller in this somewhere so I'd better crack on and figure it out.

Inside I am pretty much the same as I ever was.

Quick witted.
Bang on with the banter. (What is life without banter?)
Intelligent.
Observant.
Though, despite appearances still very much in possession of my hearing. (Would somebody kindly tell that to the strangers I meet who mean well but will surely suffer the consequences of their inept attempts at sign language before much longer.)

I can still write and type.

I just can't speak to you in person or on the phone which is a shame because HELLO! That's my job!

I have been looking through some of my postings from a while back and came across this one;  Dance, Dance Wherever You May Be from 2012 which reflects on the relationship between the customer and the person serving them. Relationships are based on the spoken word - sometimes body language - sometimes both - but it begins with a conversation. A dance between two or more people engaged in the art of communication.

There have been times when I have served people who cannot communicate verbally for various reasons of disability and I have done my best to dignify the union. Until now, I could only guess at the immense frustration they must feel on a daily basis.

I am walking in their shoes and my view of the world has changed beyond recognition.

At times it can be:
Frightening.
Funny
Bazaar.
Fascinating.
Surreal.

Shopping for groceries takes on a whole new meaning when it involves speaking to staff at the deli counter. I have become the customer I used to serve. Their faces say it all - a mixture of unease and pity masked by customer service training in how to be PC.

The dance has taken on a whole new dimension and I no longer have the skills to match the steps involved.
It makes no odds.
I am excited by the prospect of change and determined to embrace this opportunity afforded to me by a quirk of fate.

I will create a new dance. It was never my intention to conform and there will always be the need to rail against the conventional.

Come with me.
I'll dance for you.
This is my Dance and it will go on.

Saturday, 11 October 2014

A Bit of Straight Talking.

It takes a lot for me to be able to pick up the telephone these days. I'm just about able to make myself understood to family and friends but it's a different kettle of fish when it comes to complete strangers or worse still - the dreaded answer phone.

I needed to leave a message for the speech therapist.

I dialled the number and waited...

Hello - You have reached the Speech and Language Therapy Service for ---shire'

Good. Got the right number.

' There is nobody available at the moment but if you would like to leave a message for one of the therapists please...'

Oh my God - surely not! It's not going to ask me to 'please speak clearly after the tone?'

'...do so after the tone, leaving your name and telephone number and we will get back to you as soon as possible. Thank you.'

Beep.

OK. Result!

Now, how long have I got...

Friday, 3 October 2014

Your Beauty Lies Within You.

One of my favourite Simply Red songs is Your Mirror.  The melody caught my attention first, but it's the lyrics that over time have come to reflect how I occasionally find myself perceiving life.

In the darkest moments when emotional or physical pain, (sometimes both,) threatens to consume all right minded thinking it's hard to imagine a life beyond this pin-prick point. Or a time when you did not feel drained of your last measure of strength.

If I've learned anything in life it's that nothing is permanent, including discomfort and pain. Although reminding yourself of this valuable slice of wisdom cometh the hour is, I grant you, not quite so easy. One thing impacts on another and before you know where you are the slippery slope begins to loom and you wonder where it's all going to end.

And at the heart of all this anguish and pain lies fear...

Of what happens next.
Of 'what if...?'
Of never finding your way back to who you were before.

Where does the strength to continue come from I wonder, when the darkness threatens to consume?

The only answer I can come up with is: Within.

We are our own worst enemies in times of despair and doubt and yet we are also our greatest asset when push comes to shove.

All of us, without exception, have the ability to endure in the face of adversity. To recognise even in the midst of chaos that peace will triumph and reign once more. Maybe the real battle lies in finding this out? The challenge becomes the vehicle and the opportunity.

A shift in perception is required. Pain and misery attract more of the same. It makes sense then that a raised level of consciousness focused only on the positive will also attract like for like.

I didn't say it would be easy.
Just that it is possible.
If you genuinely want it to be.

Never cease to be amazed then, by how remarkable you truly are. Your beauty really does lie within you. Your beauty, your strength and your grace.

Look in the mirror, baby.